In a State of Illusion. But am I?

As i gaze at our photograph.


Clicked together at the summer carnival last year.


Tears trickle down my eyes,


Sweeping down my cheeks, giving a chill all the way to my spine.




My mental chords have got weaken it seems,


Thinking 24x7 about him.


I feel that was i illusion-ed by him that his love was true for me.


Was it a blessing or a turned out misery in disguise.




His words still boom in my mind.


Like a tape in its full blare.


With the sounds of his deep husky voice.


The words of togetherness he whispered.




Then when i look myself in mirror.


My eyes puffed with sorrowfulness and fear, his heart so unturned now.


Is this a reality? His avoidance and rudeness?


Or was that an illusion? His warmth, embraces and his promises of being with me?




How could he break away the bond we shared?


Left me bleeding, weeping and no strength in me now.


But then i wonder how could he lie to me? May be he din't.


May be it was all so true for him as well, but is then this misery an illusion for me?




I sit next to my window pane.


Looking straight at the night sky, to have Almighty's site.


Looking up to Him for answers to my this dilemma.


Its a summer night, tonight. But so cold i lie with the dilemma of fallen in an illusion or truthfulness.




Do I try to reconcile myself, by speaking good about him to me?


Or was it really his humbleness that left a mark in me?


His unique and genuineness that drew me so close to him.


Or was that yet another illusion to my love stuck mind when i look at the scenario,I am in.




I talk to my pals and random figures about him,


To get a resolute solution to it.


But nothing seems to bring me solace,


As my heart is in conflict with me.




Like a swirl of whirlpool i keep grinding within.


The turmoil like a tornado in birth in me.


Slowly it grows and with its each breath i churn into it.


My illusion of whether a true love or an exploitation of me.




I begged to him to help me out of this.


I begged to God to wipe away his memories.


But my chords are somewhere still attached to him, our memories.


Then i feel may be there's something blissful hidden in this.




But the growing frustration plunges me daily.


Drenched are my clothes in the tears of my moist thoughts.


I find his existence, his love for me an illusion now.


But WAIT! My heart yells, may be I still reside in him. But then DO I ??




WORD COUNT: 390; FCA




This poem has been shared with 'Romantic Friday Writers' based on the theme Confused.

P.S.: Actually going through this trauma of so many unanswered questions in my mind, left by my someone so special. I found this theme so perfect to my dilemma of whether the love i shared was true for him? Or whether it was just a phase in his life which had come and gone and he is over with it. because to me I have got captured in my past completely, the unforgettable memories i have about him, about us.
And thanks to "RFW", through this topic i was able to vent out a bit of my frustration though my questioned are still unanswered and may be they will remain to be.